Van



FOR YEARS I SAID THE SAME STORY ABOUT MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN (TO THE POINT WHERE I BELIEVED IT TO BE MY IDENTITY). BUT FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS LETTER, I WILL START AT THE BEGINNING.
HEALING HAS BEEN PART OF MY LIFE SINCE I CAN REMEMBER. AND WITHOUT A DOUBT, EVERY PERIOD CAME WITH ITS PLEASANT AND NOT SO PLEASANT SUBJECTS.

GROWING UP AS A PREPPY-ONLY CHILD IN MEXICO CITY SEEMED LIKE THE PERFECT SCENARIO FOR MY SOULS’ EVOLUTION (AND TRUST ME, IT WAS).
GOOD GRADES, DREAMING TO BECOME A BALLET DANCER, LIFE-FULL LITTLE GIRL FELT LONELY AND SOMETIMES SCARED TO TALK ABOUT HERSELF AND HER FEELINGS, NOTHING MADE MUCH SENSE IN HER WORLD: DAD WASN’T AROUND THAT MUCH – WORKING ALL THE TIME- AND MOM HAD A VERY VIOLENT WAY RELATING TO HERSELF, THE WORLD, AND THE PEOPLE AROUND HER.

ANTI-SOCIAL, CHANGING SCHOOLS AND GETTING THE TEACHER’S ATTENTION WAS A REGULAR PROBLEM WHILE GROWING UP SO THERAPY WAS ALWAYS A TOOL ON THE TABLE FOR ME. A FIX MY PARENT WHERE WILLING TO TRY.
NEVERTHELESS, AT THE AGE OF 12, EATING DISORDERS CAME TO BE THE SECOND- BEST ALTERNATIVE. AFTER ALL IT WAS NEVER ABOUT TALKING YOUR EMOTIONS OUT; RATHER THAN SHOVING THEN TO A PLACE WHERE NOTHING COULD BE SEEN, FELT OR NOTICED ANYMORE.

MY TEENAGE YEARS WHERE PRETTY MUCH HOURS IN THE BATHROOM ‘’SHOWERING’’ RIGHT AFTER LUNCH OR DINNER AND DENYING ANY PROBLEM THAT COULD MEAN GETTIG CLOSE TO ANYONE. PAIN, SOLITUDE, SHAME AND GUILT WERE BULDING UP IN MY HEART AND BEGING ME TO LOOK CLOSER; HOWEVER, I ‘’PUSHED TROUGH’’ A FEW MORE YEARS UNTIL I CAME TO MY FIRST FULL STOP RIGHT AFTER COLLEGE.

BY THAT TIME (24 YEARS OLD), I WAS LIVING CRIIS NUMER 2,789 (AT LEAST). NUTRITIONIST, PSIQUIATRIST AND A HUGE DOSIS OF ANTIDEPRESSANTS CAME TO BE MY ONLY SOLUTION. I DEEPLY FELT THERE HAD TO BE SOMETHING MORE FOR ME, A DIFFERENT SOLUTION TO MY STRUGGLE BUT MY MIND AND BODY WHERE VERY WEAK AND I NEEDED A LITTLE HELP TO GET THROUGH: IT WAS ONLY THEN, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, THAT I WAS ACTUALLY LOOKING AT MYSLEF, THE FIRST TIME I WAS AKNOWLEDING THE AMOUNT OF DAMAGED I HAD CAUSED MYSELF FOR YEARS.
I WAS HEART BROKEN BUT WILLING TO BUILD MYSELF BACK FROM THE GROUND.

THAT WAS MY TURING POINT, THAT WAS THE MOMENT THE UNIVERSE STARTED SHOWING ME THE WAY BACK TO LOVE, BACK TO GRACE- AND THAT ROAD HASN’T STOPPED SINCE.
AS I BECAME STRONGER, AS I BECAME MORE CONSCIOUS, I STARTED LOOKING FOR OTHER ALTERNATIVES TO MY HEALING: CERTIFYING MYSELF AS A HEALTH COACH, MEDITATING ON A REGULAR BASIS, INTRODUCING A YOGA PRACTICE AS A MORE TENDER WAY TO CONNECT TO MY BODY, AND TRAVELED TO FAR AWAY LANDS FOR SOME GUIDANCE FROM THE ANCIENT GODS. AT TIMES I FELT (AND STILL FEEL) SCARED AND DOUBTFUL BUT THE WORD -HEALING- COMES THORUGH EVERY TIME. IT’S LIKE THIS INNER LIGHT KEEPS THE MOTION GOING.

A LITTLE OVER TWO YEARS AGO, JUST AS OUR WORLD CAME INTO A FULL STOP, SO DID I. ONCE AGAIN.
I FELT READY, I FELT AS IF ALL THOSE YEARS SEARCHING AND LEARNING WHERE HERE TO STAY, WHERE HERE TO CREATE SOMETHING NEW: PARVATA HOUSE WAS THE GAME, THE DREAM. A WELLNESS AND HEALING SACTUARY. TULUM WAS THE CHOSEN PLACE, AND BY AUGUST 2019 I WAS SIPPING MARGARITAS BY THE BEACH.
TALKING ABOUT THE ‘TULUM EXPERIENCE’ IS A HOLE TOPIC ON ITSELF; A LOT HAS HAPPENED SINCE. UNFORTUNATLY, FOR VARIOUS REASONS, THIS MAGICAL PLACE IS NOT WHAT IT WAS A FEW YEARS AGO, AND AFTER DEEP CONSIDERATION I DECIDED TO PAUSE THIS SACRED DREAM OR MINE.

TODAY, I AM BACK ‘HOME’ CREATING A NEW HOME FOR ME.
RE-BUILDING MYSELF, RE-EVALUATING MY VALUES, MY DREAMS, MY NEXT MOVE - AND LISTENING TO THE UNIVERSE AS I RIDE THIS WAVE. UNDERSTANDING THAT NOT EVERYTHING IS IN MY CONTROL AND IF I JUST LET SOME OF IT GO, THE UNKOWN CAN BRING BEAUTIFUL UNEXPLECTED BLESSINGS.


DE CORAZÓN –
Van RodrÍguez .

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